Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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