If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
