And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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