i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
