Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
