im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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