Don't make out with my wife yet
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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