I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
