Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
