A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
