I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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