Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
