Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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