I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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