Bisexual people are plain selfish.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
