just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
