why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
