just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
