Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
