Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you still have your period?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
