worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
