you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
