on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
