Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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