Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
