I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
