In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
