She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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