Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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