just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
