I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
