did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm at about main and main street
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Randomize
