your room smells of hookers.
And success
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
