Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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