I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
