Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
im on a boat
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