Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
