I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
