ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
