i need an iv and a liver transplant
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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