Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
