The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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