I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
