apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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