I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
