I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
