A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
