hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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