Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
