ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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