I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I touched a dick in church today
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
