Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
