We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
