accomplished twins. life is a go
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
