Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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